Disclaimer: I am referring to the New Yorkers of the 5 boroughs. Not Westchester, Long Island, or New Jersey.
Last Thursday, I drove from Western MA and Connecticut back to Vermont through some serious wintery weather. The drive on a good day was meant to take 4.25 hours, and I had to make it home to finish packing and take a flight to NYC with my son and my partner early the next day for some holiday fun in the city.
The phrase make plans, and God will laugh was applicable for the duration of the weekend. Rob bailed on the trip due to being burnt out, train delays reigned supreme (Casper projectile vomited during one as we thankfully pulled into our stop), and as typically occurs when travelling with a baby, we were stuck on the tarmac for roughly 3-4 hours before being able to take off for our return flight. Eeeek!
Luckily, the good people of NYC and other travelers at the airport made this trip so excellent as a single gal travelling with a 14-month-old. The kindness I was shown still brings tears to my eyes even days after returning home to Vermont. It made me realize how little kindness I experience in my daily life, which saddens me.
Below I’ve bucketed our moments into three chunks of kind instances I experienced over last weekend. Read on for the details!
Moments on the Train
Back to the core of this take, New Yorkers are kind. I’ve known this for as long as I can remember. If you follow basic human rules and are self-aware enough to not constantly be in the way no one will give you a hard time. I lived in the city for 8 years and only had one foul experience, and yes, it was pretty much a Broad City episode, specifically the one with the guy and the fake leg. I had my own man with leg incident. This past weekend, however, was a nice reminder that NYers are lovers.
Of course, when in public with a baby, people are much more apt to smile, laugh, and be kind than they typically would be to a solo full-grown adult. As a single white woman with a baby people make room, offer you their seat, encourage you that there is plenty of space, even when you feel you are taking up too much of it with a stroller, carry-on, and personal item (diaper bag). Sometimes, not all the time, people will help you lug the baby, stroller, luggage, and personal item up or down the subway stairs in the snow. Or they will hold the door open for you, or the subway gate so you can get through to the platform.
Overall, it was heartwarming.
On Friday, Casper and I decided to make the epic journey to the New York Botanical Garden Holiday Train Show. This was about a 50-minute train ride. He loved it, I loved it, and a good time was had. The ride home, however, took 2.5 hours due to arguably the worst delay I may have ever experienced. We played so much peekaboo with his foot muff, ate a fair number of snacks since dinner and bedtime came and went.
The people on the train were lovely entertainment as we crawled between prolonged stops at each station. Casper saw a flute performance that he was enamored with, and he was even shown a couple of magic tricks by someone who was missing their dinner reservation downtown. I ran out for food for the poor boy, and as we pulled into our stop, he projectile vomited all over. Cup half full: at least it wasn’t 1.5 hours prior? It was a wild amount of puke, I don’t even know where it all came from.
He slept like a rock that night, and I was in bed by 9.
Moments at Restaurants/Bars
The next day, he seemed to be himself again, and we had a slow morning. Before his nap, we went out for an early lunch where Mom had an espresso martini and some French toast while young sir had some lamb and beef meatballs, scrambled eggs, and bread.
The host sat us thoughtfully near some other kiddos, so Cas had something to pay attention to, and no one seemed to mind the occasional piece of bread being tossed. When I apologized to one of the women sitting next to the kids, she said “Please, I totally get it, I have twins.”
That night, I got a deserved break from mom duty - my aunt helped set me up with a girl in her building who babysits. Casper fell asleep 15 minutes before she arrived, and I departed for my night out.
Since every train I had been on was very delayed up to this point, I left early so I wouldn’t miss our reservation. I had no transit troubles, so I had time to kill, and I found a bar where I could enjoy a rare moment of alone time with my favorite cocktail. The bartender asked if I had participated in the SantaCon festivities. I told him I was unexpectedly solo parenting that weekend, so I had spent the day running around town with my son and was now able to enjoy some time to myself. When I went to close out, he gave me my Negroni for free, which I thought was very kind! I love NYC.
Moments at The Airport and Some Self Realizations
The next day, we left for our flight at 11 AM. There was snow that caused a 20-minute delay. No big deal, right? OOF was I wrong.
At the airport, JFK has a family line, which helped expedite the process; however, JFK is not updated with the latest technology (or at least, not where I was). I had to take off my belt and shoes and remove my devices. Obviously, I had a baby I had to hold, and no travel companion. I leaned on strangers to assist me in getting my things on the belt or help holding my baby.
After 10 minutes of wrestling with our belongings, I was ready to go through the metal detector. As a Type 1 Diabetic I was setting it off due to my insulin pump and CGM. As I was struggling with the detector, this gentleman who was behind me kept telling me he was so sorry for the lack of assistance and the fact that I had so much that I was travelling with and no one to help every time CAs and I kept getting rejected from the detector. At some point the woman working security realized I was travelling solo, she grabbed my stroller so I could put him down and pass through security in peace after setting off the detector more than two times.
I realized something about myself on our journey home. I am emotionally moved by people displaying empathy for me. It gets the tears going. I can feel the steel wall of my composure crumble and threaten to pass the breaking point. Whenever people let me know they are feeling empathetic towards my situation, I have to hold back tears. Does this happen for anyone else? Let me know in the comments.
We made it to the gate with a couple of minutes to spare, and a woman helped me carry my carry-on and stroller down the jet bridge to get gate checked. More kindness! She was on her way to visit her sister and niece for a quick holiday visit.
As mentioned at the top of this newsletter, we were stuck on the tarmac for 3 - 4 hours. I was sitting next to a woman who also lives in VT and was on her way back from Puerto Rico with her partner. Her name was Erin, and she is a couple’s therapist and had 3 kids in their late teens and early twenties. She had the window seat and let Casper sit in her lap and look out the window. After about 2.5 hours into the wait, she put her headphones on Casper, and he immediately fell asleep, and he stayed asleep through to 15 minutes into the flight.
Once he woke, he was very unhappy to still be on the plane and would cry intermittently until we finally landed and I could stand up. When I got up with him, literally every person around us told me that Casper had done so good, and so did I. The man sitting to the left behind me said that Casper was a champ, and the woman sitting in front of us said that I remained levelheaded and collected despite the wait and the baby being upset.
The empathy and support from these strangers really touched me, it was an intense 4–5-hour long affair, so of course I had to fight off tears from the result of their kind words.
In Conclusion…
Despite it all, I am so grateful for the experience of having had a solo parenting vacation. I learned a lot about my patience and exercised my ability to ask for help (this is not easy for me). It reminded me that kindness exists and to have faith in a community of people willing to help if needed.
I learned my son is a great travel companion, making many people smile, and I came away from the trip with a stronger bond with him than we had started with.
Additionally, I saw a different side of New York and let me tell you it made me love it even more. Nothing but warm memories of that place and I look forward to taking Casper back as he gets older.
Can you guys share some stories of your love for New Yorkers? Maybe your dislike? Feel free to share your perspectives on travel with children below, and how it has changed for you either positively, or negatively in the comments below. Please tap the heart, it means a lot to have some love here on Substack :)
Our society today seems to focus so much on the “bad” people all the time (phony politicians, criminals, social deviants, malcontents) that you begin to think there are no more good, selfless people around any more. Thanks for reconfirming that there are still quite a few out there!
Loved reading this <3